“My Child, please, let’s both of us stop trying to rationalize this whole thing and admit you’re cheating!
Who are you talking to right now? Do you think my homework completed itself, my tests studied? Do you know how much homework I get in a week? Even if I told you you wouldn’t believe me. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop doing my homework? A GPA good enough that it could make Harvard go belly up. Disappears! It drops to a 2.0 without me. No, you clearly don’t know my class rank, so let me clue you in. I am not a cheater, Mom. I am the cheater. A teacher opens his door and gets a completed assignment and you think that was me? No. I am the one who joshed!”
The question breathes; “Do Joshes really lie”, or in this case cheat? How do you get a good answer to a question about lying to obvious liars (people named Josh)? You must disguise it. Hide it as something else such as an anonymous poll. The was disguised as a poll on academic honesty to throw the Joshes off and simply asked if they cheated on tests and schoolwork. If you ask any woman, cheating is lying, so if the Joshes cheat, they also must lie.
After dealing with people’s Joshitude, sixteen total people answered, half joshes, half not joshes. So finally the question that has been plaguing society for millennia is ready to be answered, so now let’s see who is really joshing.
The first question’s purpose was to lure the joshes into a false sense of security, so they wouldn’t lie. The question was “Drake or Josh”. 100% of Joshes interviewed preferred Josh from Drake and Josh. However in the control group, 87.5% of people preferred Josh and 12.5% preferred Drake (who is a registered sex offender).
Now that the joshes are secure and open, It’s time for the real question.”Do joshes cheat”. Surprisingly 71.4% of joshes don’t cheat on assignments, while 14.3%, cheat just a little, and 14.3% of joshes just cheat on math. In comparison, the not Joshes cheat much more. Only 37.5% of non-Joshes refuse to cheat on assignments, while another 37.5% admit to cheating on some assignments, and 25% of the control group cheat on math homework.
Now it’s time for the tests. Who was just joshing around, and who Joshes when it counts? To start it seems that a majority of people don’t cheat, however, 57.1% of Joshes don’t cheat on tests, which is a drop from the people who don’t cheat on assignments. As things got serious 14.3% of Joshes turned to cheating, and joined the 42.9% of Joshes that do cheat on tests. Out of left field, the not joshes refused to cheat on tests 75% of the time, while 25% had to subterfuge to flabergast their math teachers.
When looking at the data, one would think it is inconclusive because on assignments they cheat much less than the control group, however, they cheat significantly more on tests. A theory emerges… Joshes are so used to lying (cheating), that they don’t need to lie on the small things. Like a mob boss, they don’t steal anymore, that’s below them. A similar situation is happening with Joshes, and all the data shows it. The Joshes don’t need to dirty their hands by cheating on assignments, that’s a low-level crime. They want a challenge, a bigger lie (a test). This is why the statistics don’t confound, they just confirm. It all makes sense, why would a person who lies all day want an easy lie? No. They need a challenge. The Joshes’ true colors come out. The mob bosses of lying, the cookers of deceit, the grandiose guffawers. Joshes do lie. They may be “just joshing”, but it’s far from just. Joshes have fooled us for so long, people thought it was just a saying, people thought it was a joke, and if you couldn’t tell by now, I’m just Joshing.
